How to be a Popular Evangelical Writer

Take notes… The Constructive Curmudgeon

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1. Write on a controversial topic with little understanding of it.
2. Be autobiographical.
3. Luxuriate in metaphors you don’t understand.
4. Take potshots at “foundationalism,” “propositional truth,” and “modernism,” without defining, explaining, or actually arguing against them.
5. Chose a clever title for your book like, “Plastic Jesus” or “Velour Bono,” or “Red like Rock.”
6. Make the book short, with plenty of graphics.
7. Make a video to go with the book. No, make a series of them.
8. Write in incomplete sentences. Like this.
9. Use plenty of one sentence paragraphs, like this:

Huh?

10. Advocate something historically rejected by Christians in the name of “tolerance” or “freedom” or “postmodernism” or “authenticity.”
11. Be sure to “reinvent,” “deconstruct,” “reimagine,” “reconceive,” and “emerge.”
12. Pose in on your yoga mat for the back cover, smirking.

Interesting Statements from Emergent Folks

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Fourth, we respect the desire and responsibility of our critics to warn those under their care about ideas that they consider wrong or dangerous, and to keep clear boundaries to declare who is “in” and “out” of their circles. These boundary-keepers have an important role which we understand and respect. If one of your trusted spiritual leaders has criticized our work, we encourage you, in respect for their leadership, not to buy or read our work, but rather to ignore it and consider it unworthy of further consideration. We would only ask, if you accept our critics’ evaluation of our work, that in fairness you abstain from adding your critique to theirs unless you have actually read our books, heard us speak, and engaged with us in dialogue for yourself. Second-hand critique can easily become a kind of gossip that drifts from the truth and causes needless division.

Sixth, we would like to clarify, contrary to statements and inferences made by some, that yes, we truly believe there is such a thing as truth and truth matters – if we did not believe this, we would have no good reason to write or speak; no, we are not moral or epistemological relativists any more than anyone or any community is who takes hermeneutical positions – we believe that radical relativism is absurd and dangerous, as is arrogant absolutism;